Wednesday, September 23, 2009
I'm going to push myself....
Monday, September 21, 2009
lyrics
I think this staying up is exactly what I need
Well take apart your head
Take apart the counting, and the flock it has bred
Goodbye to love
Well it's a ride that will push you up
Right against the wall
Take apart your head
Right against the wall
Chew it up and swallow it
(Does everybody really need to know everyone?
Do you really think you're really a part of it?
And is your army really one of some thousands?
And will you declare war on the loony bin?)
You're brought back but you're running
I fell asleep at the incline
I can't shake this little feeling
I'll never get anything right
Goodbye you liar
Well you sipped from the cup but you don't own up to anything
Then you think you will inspire
Take apart your head
(And I wish I could inspire)
Take apart the demon, up in the attic to the left
(When I arrive will God be waiting and pacing around his throne?
Will he feel a little Old Testament?
And will he celebrate with fire and brimstone
Yeah, I admit, I am afraid of the reckoning)
(Goodbye my love)
You're brought back but you're running
(You wait right here, and they will come and pick you up)
Let's sleep at the incline
(I've been on pause, but I'm shaking off the rust)
I can't shake this tiny feeling
(I've lost my charge, I've been degaussed)
I'll never say anything right
(I'm on my own, I've been degaussed)
I'll never say anything right
(I'm on my own, I've been degaussed)
I'll never say anything right
(I'm on my own, I've been degaussed)
I'll never say anything right
I'm on my own
Take me, take me back to your bed
I love you so much that it hurts my head
Say, "I don't mind you under my skin.
I'll let the bad parts in, the bad parts in"
Well when we were made we were set apart
But life is a test and I get bad marks
Now some saint got the job of writing down my sins
The storm is coming
The storm is coming in
You're brought back but you're running
I fell asleep at the incline
I can't shake this little feeling
I'll never get anything right
I'm on my own
I'll never get anything right
I'm on my own
Take me, take me back to your bed
I love you so much that it hurts my head
I don't mind you under my skin
I'll let the bad parts in, the bad parts in
Well you're my favorite bird and when you sing
I really do wish that you'd wear my ring
No matter what they say, I am still the king
And now the storm is coming
The storm is coming in
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Ishmael Beah
post 2/3 for the week
“I’m slightly…intrigued.” I looked up to a smirking face. He paused before his last word and grinned now, as though there was an underlying brilliance to his phrasing, as though he knew something I didn’t. I met eyes of deep oceans, crashing waves. My breathing hitched, and I coughed on the sip of coffee that burned my mouth. “Your thoughts seem to be making you distraught, uncomfortable even. And that sketch, is it you?”
He sat down in the chair across from me, though I hadn’t invited him. His eyes stared into me, and his question hovered between us. I heard something touch the table, and he slid his hand towards me. Slowly, lifting his palm, he revealed a penny. It looked like it had known too many hands, too many pockets, too many years. I felt the urge to laugh, to mock his visible, tangible cliché. Instead…
“It—it was. Well, years ago. Feels longer than ten years.” I fumbled over my words, tripping and stumbling in bafflement as to why I was speaking to this stranger.
“I could tell. Eyes never change, even with age,” he whispered back, eyes trained on the paper between us. “Who’s the artist?”
I unconsciously glared up at him, steadily becoming more livid at his blunt intrusion into my evening. Today wasn’t for strangers.
“That doesn’t matter to you.”
The waves of his eyes continued to crash and swirl behind his dark hair. For a moment, something flickered across his face, something that could have almost indicated I had been too harsh. It was too fleeting to tell. A crash tore me away from him. The barista crouched down a few tables over, sighing and picking up pieces of broken mugs. Blacks and browns of mocha and java and cream spread across the tile, bleeding into the cracks, blending hazelnut and French vanilla. It was an aroma almost shocking. I picked up the mug in front of me, still watching the girl carefully gather the pieces of disaster. When I set the coffee back on the table, a second penny sat in front of me, begging to gleam like it had once before. I hadn’t even heard the stranger dig for more change from his pocket.
“Why does my history matter to you?” I questioned, tilting my head slightly.
“You’re the type of stranger who feels familiar. Like you have a story I already know but can’t quite put into words.”
“What story do you know the words to?”
And he told me.
“A river separated my home and my neighbors from the school and the local shops where I grew up. I walked across a bridge everyday to get to the library and my classes and the grocery store. One night, I was late coming home. The sun had set and I stepped onto the bridge in darkness, feeling my way across. That’s when I saw him.
“Jeffery never talked to anyone in town. He lived alone. No one knew a thing about him. Sometimes, he’d disappear for a few days and come back with a look in his eye that no one could describe; he’d come back with eyes of different colors. I saw them brown, I saw them green, I saw them blue and ice-cold. That night, crossing the river, I watched Jeffery sit in his old wooden boat, oars in his lap, talking into his hands. He was whispering and I could hear the faint echo of each consonant flicker off the water. Jeffery used to tell his secrets to the fallen stars he said he could catch.
“I need to know your story.” He reached his hand toward me, attempting to touch the tips of my fingers with his. I jerked back, tugging on the sleeve of my sweater, wrapping it closer around my shoulders and the flowing, ruffled cotton fabric of my cream colored dress.
“I need to show you something. Maybe it will help you understand. I drew it the night I saw Jeffery on the river.” He bent down, reaching for the worn canvas messenger bag that sat by his feet. I watched him pull out a tattered looking sketchpad, the cover nearly torn off. Carefully, he turned the pages back, and I saw glimpses of rivers and trees and old men in wooden boats. He lingered on a page on which I assumed to be Jeffery on the river, but this time, sitting in the boat with him was a brilliant sketch of a crescent moon. He ran his finger along the arc of the boat and turned the page.
“This.” It was all he said as he flipped the book around toward me.
I blinked. I said nothing.
Maybe the features were a little skewed. The eyes weren’t quite right. The hair wasn’t exactly the right length…but the arm.
I rubbed the length of my sweater sleeve, tugging on the end. I looked at the stranger sitting across from me as I shrugged off my sweater, revealing my shoulders and my sleeveless dress. The ink almost burned on my skin. His eyes followed up from my wrist as he stared at the permanent snake that circled and swirled and slithered its way up my forearm, across my bicep and rested its head on my shoulder.
I fixed my eyes on the sketch, tracing the penciled snake.
“Please,” he whispered, pulling out a handful of pennies. “Tell me your story.”
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
a couple poems
City Walking
I walk the city
music pulses from under brick sidewalks
with brick walls and brick hearts
dragging along bad habits
of smoke and seduction and sound.
I am the street name, night life artist
leaving marks on coffee shop walls,
pulling, picking, plucking words from
the back of the mind
and I need to say:
Someday, this will all break your heart.
The Dancers
They passed as strangers,
but they knew each other once.
Time had come with wrinkles and canes and unsteady walking.
And memory that forgot love.
Age makes for fragile dancing,
but shadows hold youth, cast along walls.
If years hadn’t faded with his hearing, he’d recognize the waltz.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Another poem by Rives
I mistook a garbage truck for thunder.
The morning after the first night we made love,
I dreamt thunder was chasing rain
through your neighborhood,
flooding the streets and keeping the two of us
indoors for days or even weeks,
until some old prophet could drop, by in an ark,
to take us and the rest of the paired-up animals
to a very high place, or an island maybe,
where we could just
sleep naked for a living.
But the thunder was a garbage truck.
And when my eyes woke up
a note on your pillow said:
"Good morning, Sparkle Boy!
I'll be back around noon.
You--make yourself at home."
And so I did.
Maybe.
I'm saying maybe I put on your slippers,
which were as comfortable as bunnies
because they were bunnies,
and then shuffled over my new favorite
hardwood floor to the bathroom
where maybe I took a bubble bath,
which is not something I can do at my place
because, frankly, my tub is way too skanky
to ever sit my bare ass down in.
And then maybe I got so caught up in the romance of the suds
I started quoting old Latin poetry from my college days
like: "fulsere quondam candidi tibi soles..."
You know: "Verily a bright sun does favor me this morning...muthafucka!"
And then maybe I...played with myself.
But it’s not what you’re thinking--
I’m saying possibly I just sorta
stuck my hand up from the water, going:
hand!(HERE I HOLD MY HAND UP LIKE A SOCK PUPPET
hand!WITHOUT THE SOCK AND MY HAND TEASES ME
hand!IN A HIGH, SMUTTY VOICE):
HAND: "Somebody got laid last night!
Ha-ha-haaaa!
It was youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!"
Or whatever.
And then maybe I...played with myself,
and it's exactly what you're thinking.
But if I did, it was only to put
the mental motion picture of our naked night together
on replay and replay and replay
so touching myself was just like...
Tivo in a way.
And yes, I was still wet when I borrowed your bathrobe.
And yes, I baked apples in your oven
and then ate them with your honey, honey.
And yes, I scared the birds away from your balcony
with my antics, dancing full-blast
to your old Prince CD's--
but please let’s just keep that my little secret,
because nothing is as private as a solitary dance
unless--maybe--it's standing in front of a full-length mirror
in a borrowed pair of bunny slippers,
slipping off a bathrobe and then wishing to a lightbulb
that my name, or my game, or my whatever were bigger,
wondering: "What kind of woman wants this skinny kid for her warrior?"
And so I made for you a kite, enormous,
out of coat hangers, brown paper bags
and the masking tape from that drawer in your kitchen,
and I hung it in the hallway
where you couldn’t hardly miss it,
and I tagged that kite with my words,
I wrote:
Just so you know--
My weird mind wanders and my brave heart breaks.
I've nailed some milestones, but I've made mistakes,
Cuz I got more faults than a map of California earthquakes.
I am taking a nap beneath your covers.
Wake me if you like me.
Wake me if you want me
Wake me if you need another poem.
Your once and future lover
has made himself at home.
Friday, September 4, 2009
this is what happens when i attempt poetry
Silent
When I was young, I used to stare into the mirror too long
until my features became wrong and unfamiliar.
I’d hear my strained voice repeat my name over and over again
until it didn’t sound like a name anymore.
And I was just a faceless, nameless stranger
who didn’t belong.
My mother would call my name,
and I wouldn’t answer
because it didn’t sound like anything.
I would smile when she walked in my room
because those were the times when I wasn’t allowed to speak.
She’d grasp my hand and pull me down from my seat on the dresser
and I’d leave the stranger behind in the mirror.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
another memoir attempt
I sat crouched behind the plant, peaking through the fake plastic leaves and the dust that clung to them. Somewhere in the other part of the house, I could hear the counting.
one-one thousand
two-one thousand
three-one thousand
I imagined I was invisible, melting into the deep maroon and green of the wallpaper, becoming the corner of the room shielded by the plastic fichus.
four-one thousand
five-one thousand
six-one thousand
It was a position I never found myself in: the sitting in the corner and playing games with my older brother that is. Louder than my brother’s counting was the rain pouring down on the house. Occasionally, thunder would below and rumblea mocking chuckle every time I jumped. This was the rain that kept us inside, the rain that kept the bikes in the garage, the rain that kept me as my brother’s only solution to boredom.
seven-one thousand
eight-one thousand
He was becoming impatient; his counting sped up.
“Make it to twenty, not ten!” I called.
I regretted that. He’d know exactly where my voice had come from. I’d be caught instantly.
nine-one thousand
ten-one thousand
eleven-one thousand
Somewhere between eleven and fifteen, I stopped hearing the rain; I stopped hearing the counting and heard the chime of the doorbell. I cringed, knowing exactly who it would be. He’d be standing on the porch, a lopsided grin plastered on his face under a sheet of rain. I didn’t have to see him to know he was the reason my brother yelled
forfeit!
They raced to his room, stomping on each step, ready to pull out the massive boxes of Legos. I squirmed out of the corner, taking the stairs two at a time. All the effort made no difference. I watched the door slam in my face and heard the lock click.
I slammed my fist on the door. A child’s hand
pounding
pounding
pounding.
crack
The split in the wood was sudden, as was the silence in the room on the other side of the door.
“Let me in,” I whispered.
I heard the laughter and felt like maybe I really had become invisible.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
memoir/free write
Summer Skin
“For every shadow, no matter how deep is threatened by morning light.” - The Fountain
We were the only two people awake in the world. The floor was rough and uncomfortable, but I refused to care. I was tangled in blankets and your arms, and we said nothing. There was no time; hours and minutes blended together, and we pretended it was true. Somewhere, playing softly and breaking the pact between silence and early morning, the song kept skipping. When we both felt my tear slide between our cheeks as you kissed me, I think you understood.
You gathered me up in your arms, wrapping the blanket around my shoulders, and you treated me like a figure of paper-thin glass. Never had I felt that small in front of you, so fragile.
Outside, in the middle of the front lawn, you pulled me to the ground. The grass replaced the basement floor and the ceiling had been ripped back, exposing the sky. Somehow you knew I’d been begging to see the stars. If only my hand stretched just a little farther, maybe I could touch them, let them slip from my hand, and scatter overhead. It would be heaven’s rain. The reality was, this moment was like a torn photo where the world seemed to end at my fingertips. And maybe it did.